We’re not a good fit at all. But when’s that ever stopped anyone?
I’m drawn to him like a moth to a flame. We had one night together last year, and I ignored him completely after that, so the frosty reception I get now is well-deserved. I can’t get him out of my mind, however, and once I share a little about what happened last year, he quickly thaws.
Nik’s bright and colourful and flamboyant and definitely not my type. Yet spending time with him feels more right than anything. I’m not out though and Nik’s never been in a closet in his life.
I’ve got a choice to make: allow myself to fall back to where I was last year or to stand up and take full control of my life again—including deciding whether I really want to be with Nik or not.
January 6, 2017
“How fucking dare you.” He glared at me so fiercely that if looks could kill I wouldn’t even exist. “Trying to chat me up again after all these months? When after last time you couldn’t even be arsed to answer my texts.”
I rubbed my jaw. He didn’t hit hard—too limp wristed for that—but I’d still felt it. “Yeah, about that—”
“I don’t want any excuses.” He crossed his arms over his chest, on the defensive now. “I’m not available for your pleasure every few months when you don’t have anyone else to fuck.”
“I don’t want to hear it!” He made to turn away and I grabbed his arm.
“It wasn’t like that, Nik. I was busy.”
“Yeah, I know,” I admitted in a low voice, glancing around nervously. We were in a crowded bar, and though people were everywhere, no one seemed to be listening in. And there were no one I knew.
“Shouldn’t you be on Easter holiday with the rest of your friends?” He eyed me up and down, almost suspiciously. “Ben said Andreas and the rest of them left for Oppdal today.”
“I know. I decided to stay at home for the holiday.” I stayed home every day, but no one knew that. “I’m sorry I never answered. I just—I had a hard time.”
His lips tightened. “Tell me the truth then. You want me to stand here and chat with me, you tell me the fucking truth. What happened last year? Why didn’t you answer? Why were you in the hospital?”
Something prickled at the back of my neck and I reached back to scratch at it. “Can we go outside?” This wasn’t a conversation I wanted to have where other people could listen in.
He seemed like he wanted to refuse for a minute—but then he nodded and motioned for me to walk ahead.
I hurried down the stairs, got my jacket from the lads making sure people paid, then went out in the chilly winter air.
Nik came out a minute later, bundled up in his own jacket. “So, spill.”