I’ve got a boyfriend and it’s quite awkward, to be honest.
Let me tell you, being someone’s boyfriend sure isn’t easy. I’ve never been in a relationship before, and add to that the fact I feel out of depth and awkward in public as one-half of a couple… and it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.
As someone who’s been out and proud for years, I’ve come to realise maybe I’m not quite as out as I’d previously thoughts. With a three-week holiday in Spain ahead of me, maybe I can finally figure out my messy thoughts and feelings?
April 27, 2017
This whole boyfriend business was damn hard. It was like everywhere I turned I saw other couples being affectionate—but that was straight couples and I was, after all, decidedly in a gay relationship.
The only gay couple around didn’t seem like a couple at all. They didn’t walk particularly close together, didn’t hold hands, didn’t touch each other at all. They seemed more like friends than anything.
Was that how Tarjei and I were perceived as well? As just friends? We didn’t do any of those things either, after all. But he did he want to? Did I want to?
I wasn’t a lovey-dovey type and I didn’t think he was either. Still, when some straight couple walked past hand-in-hand he couldn’t seem to not look at them. Even worse, his lips tilted up in a small, almost wistful smile.
I took my phone out as I followed after Thomas and Leo. It was still off after the flight, so I turned it on. It was on flight mode too, and as soon as it turned on properly I turned that off and unlocked my sim card.
I drummed my fingers against my thigh as I waited for reception. It took a bloody long time to find it here in Spain—back home it happened instantly.
Tarjei pulled at the neck of his thin jumper. “Fuck, it’s hot here.”
“You don’t say.” The phone finally got reception and I clicked into the web browser. “First thing I’m going to do when we get to Grandma’s is get a shower. My clothes are already sticking to me.”
He eyed me wryly. “I told you not to wear all black.”
“All my clothes are black,” I pointed out.
He chuckled. “Looks like we have to go shopping then. Wouldn’t want you to die of heatstroke.” He reached out and ruffled my hair playfully.
I slapped his hand away. “Hey, watch it.” But I smiled as I said it and that brought an actual laugh from him.
I looked back down at my phone, quickly typed in how to be a good boyfriend—or that was what I’d meant to write anyway, but my dyslexia mixed the letters up. When I got it right, Google filled with pages upon pages of result.
First of all, it seemed to be geared towards how to be a good boyfriend to a girl which neither Tarjei nor I was . On the other, it had totally logical suggestions like never cheat.
Duh, like that’s a new one. Even I knew that.