I had absolutely no idea what to do with my life.
Everyone else seemed to be so sure, my boyfriend most of all, while I just flitted around. I took it day by day so I wouldn’t panic about not knowing what to do.
But I panicked now. Because Andreas had passed his tests to join the army for the compulsory year, whereas I’d been rejected as soon as I told them I was on antidepressants.
This meant that in just a few months I would have to face an entire year without my boyfriend around. Andreas, who was my rock, would live hours away from me.
What the hell was I supposed to do?
Leo’s suggestion to live with him was still fresh in my mind.
This was why I currently sat cross-legged in the middle of Andreas’ bed with my laptop in front of me.
Leo’s school was a good one, and there were a lot to choose from. Everything related to drama, theatre, and music was out of the question. There was history and religion, the first of which could be an option. I opened it in a new tab as I continued down the page.
Outdoor life and physical education… That was more Andreas’ thing than mine.
The last thing of interest was the year courses in language. English or Norwegian.
So, three courses that could be of interest. Too bad I didn’t have a clue which one to choose. I could apply for all, but I would still have to choose which one I wanted at the top of the list.
“What’re you doing?” Ben came wandering through the open door. He plopped down on the bed and lay there staring up at me.
“Looking at courses.” I opened a tab for both the language alternatives. “What do you think fit me best; history, English, or Norwegian?”
Ben’s eyebrows rose. “I don’t know, Alex. What do you want to do?”
“That’s just it. I don’t know.”
“What do you want to work with later?”
“I don’t know.”
Ben sighed. “Do you know anything at all?”
“Not really.” I’d never thought that far ahead. Just getting through my teenaged years, living with my parents had been more than enough. College or university hadn’t even been on the horizon. “What’re you going to do when you graduate?”
“Fuck if I know.” Ben threw his arms in the air. He was in a T-shirt, so his tattoos were on full display. I liked his tattoos. I think I wanted a tattoo too, or several. Covering up my scars, like he’d done, was a very good idea. “I don’t want to study anymore, that’s for sure. I’ll probably stay here and work.”
“So you don’t know what you want to do either?”
“I know what I want to do. I want to live from my music. But that’s not exactly easy to accomplish, is it?” He blew out a breath. “So until I get a breakthrough in music, I’m stuck here.” Bitterness laced his voice.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” I pushed my laptop away so I could focus solely on him. Ben could be sarcastic and all kinds of negative about things, but it wasn’t often I heard that kind of bitterness in his tone.
“Don’t be an idiot. I heard that—and I know you. We’re friends, aren’t we?” I counted Ben as one of my best friends, along with Andreas and Sarah. Sarah had become such a good friend after our time together during the winter holiday.
“Of course we are.” Ben threw me a look I couldn’t decipher, but he soon went back to stare at the ceiling. “It’s just that—Can I tell you something? You can’t tell anyone else, not even Andreas.”
“Of course you can. Whatever we talk about stays between us.” He was my friend, and I wouldn’t want to ruin that friendship for anything. It meant too much to me. Besides, what interest would Andreas have from hearing me talk about our conversations, anyway?
“I’m in love with Nik,” Ben finally admitted.