Louder Than Words

September 29, 2017


? pages

high heat


I had absolutely no idea what to do with my life.

Everyone else seemed to be so sure, my boyfriend most of all, while I just flitted around. I took it day by day so I wouldn’t panic about not knowing what to do.

But I panicked now. Because Andreas had passed his tests to join the army for the compulsory year, whereas I’d been rejected as soon as I told them I was on antidepressants.

This meant that in just a few months I would have to face an entire year without my boyfriend around. Andreas, who was my rock, would live hours away from me.

And me?

What the hell was I supposed to do?

Leo’s suggestion to live with him was still fresh in my mind.

This was why I currently sat cross-legged in the middle of Andreas’ bed with my laptop in front of me.

Leo’s school was a good one, and there were a lot to choose from. Everything related to drama, theatre, and music was out of the question. There was history and religion, the first of which could be an option. I opened it in a new tab as I continued down the page.

Outdoor life and physical education… That was more Andreas’ thing than mine.

The last thing of interest was the year courses in language. English or Norwegian.

So, three courses that could be of interest. Too bad I didn’t have a clue which one to choose. I could apply for all, but I would still have to choose which one I wanted at the top of the list.

“What’re you doing?” Ben came wandering through the open door. He plopped down on the bed and lay there staring up at me.

“Looking at courses.” I opened a tab for both the language alternatives. “What do you think fit me best; history, English, or Norwegian?”

Ben’s eyebrows rose. “I don’t know, Alex. What do you want to do?”

“That’s just it. I don’t know.”

“What do you want to work with later?”

“I don’t know.”

Ben sighed. “Do you know anything at all?”

“Not really.” I’d never thought that far ahead. Just getting through my teenaged years, living with my parents had been more than enough. College or university hadn’t even been on the horizon. “What’re you going to do when you graduate?”

“Fuck if I know.” Ben threw his arms in the air. He was in a T-shirt, so his tattoos were on full display. I liked his tattoos. I think I wanted a tattoo too, or several. Covering up my scars, like he’d done, was a very good idea. “I don’t want to study anymore, that’s for sure. I’ll probably stay here and work.”

“So you don’t know what you want to do either?”

“I know what I want to do. I want to live from my music. But that’s not exactly easy to accomplish, is it?” He blew out a breath. “So until I get a breakthrough in music, I’m stuck here.” Bitterness laced his voice.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” I pushed my laptop away so I could focus solely on him. Ben could be sarcastic and all kinds of negative about things, but it wasn’t often I heard that kind of bitterness in his tone.


“Don’t be an idiot. I heard that—and I know you. We’re friends, aren’t we?” I counted Ben as one of my best friends, along with Andreas and Sarah. Sarah had become such a good friend after our time together during the winter holiday.

“Of course we are.” Ben threw me a look I couldn’t decipher, but he soon went back to stare at the ceiling. “It’s just that—Can I tell you something? You can’t tell anyone else, not even Andreas.”

“Of course you can. Whatever we talk about stays between us.” He was my friend, and I wouldn’t want to ruin that friendship for anything. It meant too much to me. Besides, what interest would Andreas have from hearing me talk about our conversations, anyway?

“I’m in love with Nik,” Ben finally admitted.

Other books in the series


Book 1


Book 1.5


Book 2


Book 3

September 23, 2017

Louder Than Words

“Life might be good now, but that’s all about to come to an end soon, and what then?” I’ve had a turbulent few months; surviving a gay bashing, dealing with my abusive parents, and getting used to my new life with my equally as new boyfriend. I could do without his best friend who doesn’t like me—or maybe he does? Life’s about to become even more turbulent though. The last term of our education is well underway, and it’s time to figure out what I’m supposed to do next. Only I don’t know what I want to do with my life. Andreas knows, and he’s got it all figured out, but I don’t. Can our new relationship survive what lies […]
September 23, 2017

More Than Anything

“He might’ve been the right person—if I hadn’t been so damaged and he hadn’t been so young.”  The first time I met him, he had a seizure on the pavement in front of my flat. When my efforts to find someone who could take him off my hands failed, I let him spend the night. He was already asleep anyway, so it wasn’t like I had any choice. What started out as helping someone in need, slowly turns into something much more when he keeps appearing in my life. But how can he want someone like me? Someone so damaged and traumatised from my past that it keeps on messing up my present? When just one simple touch from someone […]
September 20, 2017

More Than Words

“When something seems too good to be true, it usually is. Or is it?” I’m tired. Tired of being bullied, ignored, and tired of my dysfunctional parents. I clean out my locker, so no one else has to do it for me once I’m gone. But when someone knocks my books out of my hands, it sets off a motion of events that makes me feel more alive than I’ve ever felt before. Andreas is the best friend of one of my bullies, but he’s nothing like any of them. He’s kind and compassionate and charming—and he doesn’t seem to mind my scars. When he reveals he’s bisexual and interested in me, it all seems too good to be true. […]
September 19, 2017

No Right Words

“Sometimes it doesn’t take much; only a kind word will do.” My sister wishes she’d noticed the signs before our dad hanged himself rather than recognise them for what they were once he was gone. I’m now pretty sure I see the same signs in Alex, a guy I’ve had my eyes on for some time. Though my best friend doesn’t like him, that’s not going to deter me. Especially not now when I see those signs in Alex; signs I never saw years ago in my dad. I’m not going to wait for the inevitable to happen. I’m approaching Alex—and I’m going to save his life.
June 21, 2017

Bruised Heart

“It’s not a happy ever after—but it might be the beginning of one.” I’m waiting for Kasey to come home. I didn’t expect the drunk girl I had to take care of to the point I had to take her home because I couldn’t get hold of the one person who could get her. I did not expect there to be a whole lot more to this girl than what I’d initially thought, yet of course, there was. I was never so lucky as for things to be simple in my life, after all. When Kasey does come home, the girl’s still there, and I’m done caring for her. I’ve been without my boyfriend for two whole weeks and all […]
June 1, 2017


“Everyone says he’s bad, but to me, he’s been nothing but good.” Everyone says Wynn is bad news, but from the moment he came upon me crying, he’s been nothing but good to me. He took me home, comforted me… and he took me to bed. Which I technically shouldn’t have done, but the kindness he showed me makes me wish for something I’ve never had before. I’m afraid to tell him the truth though like I’m afraid to tell everyone the truth. The whole stipulation of my abusive relationship is to keep it a secret, and no matter how much I want to get away, it’s hard to talk about something I’ve had to keep quiet about for so […]
May 26, 2017

Arctic Heat: The Complete Collection

All three Arctic Heat novels together in one collection. An arctic wasteland is not my idea of a holiday destination. If I ever want to see my best friend again, however, it’s where I have to go. With shit-all to do, I didn’t think the holiday would bear repeating anytime soon… but I hadn’t expected Jonathan. He’s direct, rude, and I know I get on his nerves—but not enough for him not to jump into bed with me. It was supposed to just be a bit of fun to make time pass, but it turns into so much more. I’ve got a life to get back to though, and he’s got a business to run. This isn’t going to end […]
May 5, 2017

Written in Scars

All the Scarred short stories put together in one collection. In A Shattered Soul, Tyler meets a young, broken Mal and he tries to help him. It’s just that not everyone can, or want to be, helped. In Scarred For life, Josh tries to wrap his mind around his boyfriend’s sexuality, whereas in Scarred and Shattered, Josh and Tyler meet at Mal’s grave, and they bond over their friend that died too early but who also wouldn’t have been able to live a normal life if he was alive. In Scarred In Love, Damian decides that even being asexual, he can still try to have sex with Josh. And lastly, in in The Scarred Ones, Josh thought he was doing […]
February 14, 2017

The Scarred Ones

“Love makes us strong.”  I thought I was doing better, but I’m not. Faced with the problems of Damian’s nephew, who’s living with us, all my burdens and failures comes back to haunt me tenfold. I knew what he struggled with after all, and I never told anyone. But I never imagined it was as bad as it was either. I never imagined Matt was more alike me than anyone realised. Guilt and shame overtake my emotionally unstable mind, and once again I resort to old means to try and dull the pain. This time it has disastrous consequences. But I’m is strong. Or so they tell me. I’ve survived everything thrown my way so far. Surely I’ll survive my […]
February 14, 2017


“I met him by chance—and everything changed.” Pain and grief are a constant part of my life nowadays, all made worse by my untreated depression. When I’m forced out of bed to go to a party with my sister, I meet Caesar—and everything changes. Caesar is flamboyant, social, and fun to be around. He shows me what I’ve been missing, both in and out of bed, and for the first time in years, I feel alive again. But my depression’s getting worse. Not to mention the fact that I fancy someone else. This thing with Caesar is just fun. Until it isn’t.